COMFORTING GIFTS AND WHAT TO SAY TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST A LOVED ONE
We feel funny comforting someone because we don't use this skill very often. Most of the time people find it hard to approach a person that has lost a loved one because they don't know what to say or do. I've learned a lot after losing my sons Gabriel and Josiah. I was hurting so bad and their deaths were only 10 months apart. I found some people avoiding me because of that. That was so painful. You could see people dodge into another aisle at the grocery store or avoid making eye contact and pretend they didn't see you. That was worse than some of the dumb stuff people said. At least they were trying. Both hurts, but getting avoided all together is much more painful. We need to love and comfort them, not multiply their pain. The very most important thing NOT TO SAY is "I understand your pain" if you haven't had a loss similar to theirs. Losing your friend is not the same as losing your mother. And believe me if your a mother you'll understand me when I say losing an aunt or cousin is NOT the same as losing your very own child that you nurtured and loved. They were supposed to out live you. The next thing NOT TO SAY is "God needed them more" or "God took them". Do you know what that says to a grieving mother? It says the GOD you worship and love has took your child and doesn't care about the rest of your life. God doesn't take our loved one from us. Also we're not immune to tragedy on this earth because were "Christian" or otherwise. The bible says were not of this world meaning we are going to live forever with him if we accept his son. But it also says we're in this world. I always taught my kids "Earth is our school, Heaven is our home. Were only passing through". If some dork is driving in the wrong lane they are going to hit you. If you cross the street when the light is red or not, a car could hit you. You can get cancer in this smoggy world ect. . Here's a good e- book to help you know how to be comforting. It's called "If there's anything I can do". And of course, my all time favorite gift was "Within Heaven's Gates" by Rebecca Springer. You can order it on this page. Believe me when I tell you it is the best comforting book and gift. I received it for a gift when I lost Josiah. 10 months later when I lost Gabriel I found the book again and devoured it. Another nice gesture would be to give a comforting e-book. This one's called "Do not stand at my grave and weep". It has some poems and soothing words. This site is full of advice, books and inspiration for someone grieving or knows of someone grieving. Self-Healing Expressions Http://inspirationline.com is a free weekly e-mail magazine filled with inspiring articles, poems, uplifting quotes, historic wonders, interesting news, humor and positive life coaching ... plus helpful tips on relationship skills, pet care, health, computing, world travel and more.
Most families will get a ton of flowers from the local florist and end up with a million vases. To be different and to have the flowers last longer, order them on line. A lot of the flowers come straight from the grower and last longer. You can leave out the vase if you choose. It's better on your budget and then they don't have to add another vase to the collection. Also you may think about waiting for a week because they get all the flowers at first and all the company, then it all dies down and they are sad and alone. A kind gesture coming a week later is well thought out. Here's a nice online florist to order from.
One present to comfort a grieving friend or loved one that they can cherish forever is a picture of their loved one. Cafe Press is an online store that can put pictures on any of the products they sell. They are so inexpensive. You can get a picture that you upload to them put on a tile or ornament for around six dollars. They will even mail the gift to your loved one who lives out of town. I have ordered at least 12 tiles and 3 ornaments. I cherish these gifts.
When you are grieving you don't feel like cleaning or eating or shopping for household things you need. The most helpful thing someone can do is grocery shopping for the bereaved family. You can even shop online at Safeway.com and have their groceries delivered for $9.95. Next is having someone clean their house. They are having visitors, dishes are all over and flowers are shedding and people are tracking debri in on their feet. That is such a great gift. A couple more here. One of my all time favorites was a massage. Yes, a massage. My body was racked with pain and stress from my heart being ripped out. It felt good to get away to a private spot just to sooth "ME". O.K. last but not least was to get "Starbucks". You have tons of people drinking your coffee and wouldn't it be so cool if you got an order of "Starbucks" in the mail? I have it here on my site so you can order it when you order flowers and books. Check it out:
I think with all these suggestions from a mom that has lost two children that you'll be able to find something helpful on this page. I just want the journey I've traveled to be helpful in some way to someone that needs it.
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